Sometimes spending time in fantasies is even useful. But in moderate doses.
Escapism is an escape from the real world, which may seem imperfect, too dangerous or simply boring. This phenomenon is usually considered negative. After all, instead of doing business, a person reads voraciously or watches five seasons of his favorite TV series in a row. We learned from a psychologist how to cope with escapism and why you shouldn’t scold yourself for being too fond of fantasies.
It is generally accepted that classic escapism is an escape from reality into fantasy. Example: we are traveling on public transport and, looking out the window, fantasize about how we take first place at the Olympics. Or we remember a dialogue that took place several years ago and try to replay it in our head in our favor. Or imagine ourselves in fantasy worlds.
There are people who engage in such fantasizing all the time and in different contexts: when they are washing dishes, sitting in class, doing work. This train of thought is endless, it has no exhaust, it does not lead to any solution.
Is Escapism Always Bad?
Life itself is quite complicated. It is full of pain and difficulties. We are constantly surviving somewhere. We constantly have to adapt to changing conditions. And we, as beings who have reason and the choice to act, somehow escape from reality from time to time.
Escapism is a way to have fun. It’s normal to look for ways to find pleasure when reality turns out to be a very unpleasant place. When terrible events happen in the world or in life.
Escapism as self-care is a very good thing.
We need to exhale periodically, because the resources of our psyche may be running out. It’s like a dream. We cannot sleep poorly for a long time and feel good. It’s the same here.
We have different response systems. If any threat appears, real or imagined, the body begins to mobilize. This is a reaction to stress. And this, in turn, is a waste of resources that we normally do not spend. So at some point they will run out. Sooner or later the body will be exhausted, and we will simply fall. Therefore, escaping the horrors of reality into something pleasant is a way to help yourself replenish your strength and relax.
When Does Escapism Start to Get in the Way?
Escapism helps fight fatigue and replenishes resources. But it doesn’t solve life’s problems. Therefore, it is very important to look at how much time a day we spend avoiding reality.
If escapism interferes with life, affects the quality of life and turns into large-scale avoidance, these are alarm bells.
Even if now, relatively speaking, binge-watching TV series brings pleasure, in the long run it reduces life satisfaction. It happens slowly and imperceptibly, but it happens anyway.
How to Help Yourself if Escapism Interferes with Your Life?
There is no magic pill. It’s about facing the discomfort of reality. This is an unpleasant prospect for any brain. He will resist. Therefore, you need to understand that this is difficult. But something can be done.
Analyze Your Escapism
Identify forms of avoidance to understand what you are running away from. For example, if you come home from work and binge watch 7-8 episodes of some TV series, it’s worth asking: what’s going on? By reflecting, you may find that you are avoiding, for example, household chores. Then you need to think about what exactly you are afraid of.
Once you have identified the very form of discomfort, think about whether it is really that scary. Our brain usually catastrophizes possible discomfort and exaggerates it.
Once discomfort is identified, it must be experienced. Through mindfulness practices. This is when we notice a feeling, look at it, realize it and breathe. When faced with it, we discover that nothing terrible has happened, and the thought appears: maybe I can still do something while feeling this discomfort?
Small Steps Strategy
You have identified discomfort and are learning to take small steps through it. This chain of action sounds obvious, but it can be difficult to implement, especially when the escapism happens automatically.
You need to take a small step, a super small step towards something unpleasant. And then praise yourself for it. And repeat again. By taking small steps every day, after some time you can find that the whole task that you have been putting off for six months has been done.
Come Up with Useful Escapism
For example, we need to learn English. But I don’t want to do this. There are also unwashed dishes. And in order not to study English, you can go and wash the dishes while listening to music. Yes, one task remains unfinished, but we will solve another. It’s better than doing nothing.
Become Your Own Friend
We often run away from our inner reality. We love to criticize ourselves. And when we start doing something, we are faced not with external failures, but with an internal dictator who says: “you are a nonentity, you are a terrible person.” As a result, you want to escape from internal discomfort.
High demands on oneself is one of the common factors in the development of mental disorders and decreased quality of life. It is important to practice the skill of self-compassion.
It’s about being your own friend. We don’t tell our best friends when they feel bad: “Get up, you wimp! Screwed up yesterday? Serves you right!” We support friends. And you need to learn to support yourself: “I love and accept you for who you are. Let’s take the next step.”
