Ah, the familiar hum of your home’s power suddenly ceases, and you realize you’ve entered the world of darkness once again. Fear not! Here’s your totally serious survival guide to your current outage:
1. Search “Duke Energy Outage“
First things first, whip out your phone (hopefully charged) and search “Duke Energy Outage.” Marvel at the irony of using electricity to find out why you don’t have any. Join the communal experience of scrolling through outage maps and updates, convincing yourself that this too shall pass.
2. Ask Everyone Else if They Have an Outage
Your next logical step is to confirm your misery with others. Text your neighbors and then stand out on your lawn with your hands on your hips, commiserating. Misery loves company, and you’ll find solace in knowing you’re not alone.
3. Pull Out the Board Games Before Remembering You Hate Board Games
In a surge of optimism, you decide it’s the perfect time for family bonding over a good old-fashioned board game. Halfway through setting up Monopoly, the nostalgic warmth fades as you remember why you haven’t played these games since the last outage. You quickly stash them away, hoping nobody noticed your fleeting enthusiasm.
4. Contemplate Your Survival Skills in the Olden Times
Consider how you’d fare in the olden times before electricity. Convince yourself you’d be a pioneer, chopping wood and churning butter, before realizing you’re struggling to open a can of beans without an electric can opener and the sourdough bread you finally abandoned during the pandemic.
5. Eat Everything in the Fridge (Safety First!)
Now, onto practical matters. Your fridge is slowly warming, and the race against time begins. Channel your inner competitive eater and start consuming all perishables. Ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sure, it’s unconventional, but it’s a survival tactic, right?
6. Pull Out the Generator (If You Have One)
If you’re one of the lucky few with a generator, it’s time to shine. Fire it up and enjoy the smug satisfaction of being the only house on the block with power. Just make sure you follow all safety guidelines and don’t become the neighborhood’s carbon monoxide statistic.
7. Meditate and Accept the Zen of Powerlessness
Embrace the quiet and practice some mindfulness. Without the constant buzz of modern life, take deep breaths, meditate, and pretend this forced digital detox is actually doing you some good. Feel the stress melt away—or perhaps, just your patience.
8. Consider Solar and Home Battery for the 100th Time
As you sit in the dark for the umpteenth time, let the thought creep in once again: “Maybe it’s time to go solar.” Picture a future where you’re free from outages, thanks to a shiny new solar installation and home battery. This time, instead of just daydreaming, actually contact a solar consultant. Who knows, maybe next time, you’ll be the only house on the block with the lights still on.
